Honest feelings about moving out (for the second time)

I was 19 when I first moved out of my parents’ house. Heading off to university after a Foundation Diploma in Art and Design after A Level’s, ready to take on the Textile world (not quite by storm…). If you’ve read my other blog post about university (you can find it here) then you’ll already know that it went the complete opposite of ‘to plan’. I didn’t expect I’d have to permanently move back home after two false starts at my second year. That anxiety would plague me, consume my every move and rule my life, for the best part of five years. So, to say I’m nervous about moving out a second time around is an understatement.

I’m very close with my Mum and Dad and, as cliché as it is, my dog is like my best friend – we’re literally together almost all of the time. I completed my degree via distance learning, so I’m completely out of a routine that involves commuting in any capacity, especially to university. The last time I did that, or attempted it, was 2015. I’m used to the routine of home, I know where everything is, I generally know what time everyone is around, and I generally know what I’m doing every day. It sounds pretty bland when I put it like that, but it’s not as regimented as it seems, this is merely the black and white. Things deviate from this, as they do in life, but the overall routine tends to generally stay the same. As those of you who have experienced anxiety will know, however, it’s fairly comforting to know your day-to-day plan. Change can be a potential trigger, which is going to be one big test with so much altering all at once. I am prepared in some ways, though. I already know it’s going to be a struggle. I’m going to have days when I’m homesick, days when I miss my old routine. It’s all part of growing up and maybe the older you are, the worse it is. I’ll be able to tell you the answer to that one soon! 

Don’t get me wrong though, I am excited. I’m excited to have more than one room that’s ‘mine’ (well ours, there is three of us, but you get the picture). I’m excited to have my own sofa and my own houseplants. I’m excited to invite people round and pretend to be adults, to get back into baking and to buy my first food mixer. To find my own routine and to feel the exhaustion, but also positivity, of a long day doing something new. I’m already prepared for how poor I’m going to be, I’m well aware postgraduate study is even more money-depleting than undergraduate. For every down, though, there is an up, and that definite up is another year of student discount! (What will I do without it…) I’m going to be studying something new, something that has always excited me, but I just didn’t quite realise it had potential until 2018. Something that, when I finished at the open evening, I had a buzz of excitement in my stomach that I haven’t felt in quite a long time! (I promise i’ll be less cryptic once I’ve started, a blog post will definitely be written)

To put it simply, I’m excited for the journey that lies ahead of me. If it doesn’t go to plan, then I’ll figure it out, like I always have. If it does, then in just over a year’s time I’ll have an MA. If you’d have told me I’d be doing any of this, even a year ago, I’d probably have laughed at you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *